The primary question children have when they learn their parents are divorcing is, “What will happen to us?” They wonder how their lives will change. Where will they live? Will they still go to the same school? Will they still be involved in after-school activities? One of the advantages of a Collaborative Divorce is that it helps both parents answer those and other questions their children may have.
A Collaborative Divorce enables parents to have a Child-Centered Divorce which keeps the focus off parental conflicts and on what is in the best interests of the children.
The Collaborative Divorce Model and Children
For those parents interested in a child-centered divorce, the Collaborative Divorce model is likely the most effective because all members of the Collaborative team can focus on the best interests of the children throughout divorce negotiations. Parents are encouraged to remain ever mindful about how their decisions will impact their children.
Some goals may be:
Making sure both households have enough money to support the events and activities their children want to be involved in.
Jointly deciding what their children’s extra-curricular activities and events will be.
Shaping the parenting schedule to accommodate when and where the children need to be for their practices and events.
Determining when and where events will be and who will be able to watch games and practices.
A Collaborative Divorce Facilitator is a neutral member of the team who assists people in creating their parenting plans and understanding the issues that arise for kids when their parents decide to live in two different households. The CDF knows how to ask gently probing questions and how to keep the parents focused on the children rather than focusing on a particular percentage of time they feel they deserve to have with their children.
Structuring a Child-Centered Divorce
Parents often come into the divorce process so caught up in wanting equal time with their children, they don’t consider the impact this might have on their children's lives.
One example of disruption to a child’s life when parents insist on a 50/50 schedule is that the children may be required to schlep equipment back and forth for their sports activities. It is all too easy for a helmet or face mask, for example, to be at the wrong house on the day of practice or a big game.
When there is a Collaborative Divorce process with several professionals involved in structuring the parenting plan, thoughtful attention is paid to having a parenting schedule that works for the entire family. The plan is based on the interests and activities that the children want to participate in and ones the parents supported prior to their decision to divorce.
Parenting is never easy, but divorced parents that jointly make a plan for their children are better able to be successful co-parents. Collaborative Divorce helps parents discuss a thoughtful, intentional plan for raising their children together even while living apart.
